I want to start off by saying, I’m so thankful to my husband for praying for me when I was lost.

I was saved at the age of twenty-two on Monday, December 12, 2016.

All my life, I was never in church. My family and did not attend church or any church functions. My mother would talk of God on occasion, but I don’t remember talking about salvation or the road leading towards it. When I got older in my late teenage years, my momma would urge me to find a church more, so much so that I felt a forcing to go to one. To which I refused even more in my own stubbornness, making excuses to not go. I had a friend that was a Pastor, and he would invite me all the time to go to his church. I went a few times but never really felt anything. I will never forget, there was a guest preacher once, and during the service, he came down and started pushing people’s forehead, to which some would ‘faint’. At this I was even more confused and honestly I didn’t want to go back.

After a couple years I met a man that would change my life on this world and open my eyes. I met my husband, John, in the fall of 2015.

I was a cashier at Walmart and at the time, I had decided I wanted a partner; I wanted someone to share conversation with, to feel love with and to find that mate I would have for the rest of my life. I was specific in my boxes that I wanted to check off. As I searched through work and college, I would find relationships to be unsuccessful. Most guys wouldn’t last longer than a week. If they didn’t meet my check list, I wasn’t going to waste their time or mine. As I said, I was looking for something for the long haul, not a short fling. That wasn’t my style.

After several failed attempts, my momma gave me the advice to stop searching and let God send me who I needed in my life. To be patient. (Story of my Life) With heavy reluctance, I had finally given up. I believed in God, but I soon would find out that doing only that wouldn’t be enough. It was not long after that God sent me John.

His sister had become a great friend, who was actually my boss. They were going on a family vacation to the beach, so her mom and John came through my line to meet me and say ‘hi’. To be honest, I didn’t notice or feel an instant attraction, as most people claim to feel. I just saw a normal guy with his mom, who was my friends brother. As they were on vacation, his sister was texting me, and he had taken her phone to ‘joke’ text me. We started talking through text afterwards, and I say the rest is history.

It was funny because his mother was actually the first one to ask his sister thoughts on us if we should date or not before any of us seen it. John was 11 years older than me. As we dated, our relationship started to develop into great fun and love. Again, I had a checklist as I had not been with anyone before that lasted longer than a week, and I sure had not been with anyone in a physical relationship. He would be the first one to say ‘I love you’ and I didn’t say it back quiet yet. I wanted to make sure.

It would come up that his father was a preacher, and I think early on in our relationship he was curious about my relationship with God. Our first date was actually at a church. My mom’s friend who was a pastor, thought we should visit his church. Again, I was a little reluctant, but it wasn’t a bad place for a first date. Long story short, that was not a great experience for John. Not that I could feel it, I just seen loud music and not really any words that left an impression, but John was really concerned. I wasn’t hearing the true word of God.

Shortly after that, John took me to his church. It was the complete opposite of the church I had visited before. It was a sweet, old school, southern Baptist church. It didn’t have a stage, big screens, loud music (and I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that, just sharing my story and experience), sound effects or lights; it was a small building, like I would imagine a small country church, with old pews, a small place for the choir, and a piano off towards the side.

I was a little nervous anyways, but I felt different than I had in the past in a church. I felt something meaningful. Looking back, I remember the pastor preaching about Hell. That not so bad feeling I had in the beginning seemed to quickly go away and I started to feel afraid. I wasn’t sure what I was hearing, but I didn’t want to be there anymore. I felt like I had to get out of there. I believe this was the second time in my life I was feeling conviction. I had never heard the word spoken like that before, like it was coming from God.

The first time I think I fell under conviction was at a Vacation Bible School that was held by my day care when I was in fifth grade. Very faintly, but never forgotten, I remember a lady, I’m assuming was a teacher, was talking to me about Jesus. I became afraid. I think she was telling me that if I didn’t have Jesus in my heart, I couldn’t go to heaven. That bothered me greatly for a long while after that, and again, I didn’t want to go back there. I denied wanting to receive the word, denied Jesus.

After hearing that pastor preach at John’s church, I don’t know how long it was until I would feel that again, but I know it wasn’t long. My life during this time felt like it was falling apart. I had thought about different exits at time, to lightly put it. I just felt like giving up and I was afraid and honestly having a panic attack of what could possibly happen. I was under conviction a third time.

I was upstairs in my bedroom in my home, and all I remember was asking Jesus to come into my heart. I was crying (as I cry writing this) and I just felt like a wave of peace had washed over me. I don’t know what I was doing in my room, I just remember being on my bed and crying because I wanted to be saved. I got up and rushed down to my momma’s room and confessed to her that I wanted to be saved. I don’t think I have ever wanted anything so much in my whole life, even to this day.

She was so happy to hear those words and we both cried together. It was late at night and called my best friend who was a pastor, who had known me since I was born, to ask if he would come pray with me. He would come and pray with me the next morning, but I believe I was saved before I even got off my bed in my room upstairs. Even though I had fought him and been so stubborn, running away from him, he was still there for me, waiting on me when I was ready.

I texted John that night and he was so happy for me. His whole family was.

That is my testimony, and I thank the Lord for watching, leading, and protecting me all those years I denied him. I don’t deserve how much he has blessed me. My life seemed to be filled with so much pain and a sinful family, I didn’t know what the Love of Jesus was. My momma loved me with all her heart, but in our family we didn’t know how to show love. My family was full of greed, drugs, violence, hate, lies, and everything else, but God brought me through every battle even before I accepted him.

One of my favorite bible verse, is Jeremiah 1:5.

“Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.”

Even though I made so many bad choices, and still to this day make bad choices, He knew one day I would come to him. He knew my name before it was given to me after birth, and it is written in his book. No one can take that away.

I’m not afraid of Hell anymore; I’m overwhelmed of thankfulness that I won’t ever have to go there. I will go to Heaven, where I will praise his name forever. Amen.