On November 16th, 2024, I woke up with my heart racing and my hands reaching for paper and a pen, so that I could write down an important moment in my life that had happened over night.

Somedays it seems like sleep is non existent, as it has always been hard for me to do. In the past I was always happy to work late and well into the am hours because I have always been a night owl. Most nights if I wasn’t working, I was wrestling with thoughts. Thoughts of pain mostly, thoughts of depression, thoughts of people, thoughts of aspects in my life I couldn’t control. When I was younger, I was scared of the dark. Partially I blame being traumatized as a small child by a cousin, but that’s another story for another time, but the other blame is on my artistic mind.

When you have an artistic imaginative mind, it is easy to create something out of nothing in natural setting. An easy cliche as a kid is seeing a sweater hanging off your closet door in the dead of night and envisioning it as something monstrous. But my point is, the dark was a scary place for me most of my life.

Now, on the other hand, I am a big shade lover. I don’t like bright lights, though often people with blue or lighter eye color is more sensitive to lighting. As my husband turns every light in the house on, I go behind them and turn them off. I would often say in the past when people talked about Heaven, and it being so bright, I would say I would have my own little shade cloud.

Back to that night, it was like any other as I wrestled with dark thoughts. I was having a nightmare in my sleep. Going back to the beginning of the dream now is fearful, even just for a moment. I was in the darkest of dark I could be in and satan had me in a corner. I could see a man, he was in a suit standing a little ways from me, much bigger than I was. I couldn’t see his face that I remember, but I knew it was him. I could feel him having such power over my fear in my aloneness. I couldn’t breath. My thoughts tried to escape but they couldn’t.

It seemed I couldn’t open my eyes or speak because I was so afraid but even though my eyes were closed I could still see him. I couldn’t escape his grasp and he was enjoying it. When satan gets us in a place of suffering, I believe that is when he is most happy. Sure he loves when we are living a free life in sin because we are with him, but I think he loves it even more when we get away from God and start to suffer from seeds planted by satan. He gets to see his hard work unfold within us.

So as fear consumed me in my dream, I started to think his name, Jesus. One word I kept trying to focus on. One word that held so many more. Instantly I could feel satan’s smile start to fade. He started to be afraid. He tried for a moment to get closer to me, to over power me. Satan can’t over power Jesus.

There was such a bright light, I would say a Heavenly light, that shone all the darkness away. I felt Jesus’s arms around me, holding me so close as I cried in his arms. But that light, that bright light, I wanted that more than anything. In my dream, I was thinking in my mind a tune. Jesus had given me a song.

I woke up early and I was singing something in my head. I woke up rushing to get up and find a paper and pen to write down what Jesus had given me. I didn’t have my glasses on so I was scrambling around trying to find the materials, because I didn’t want to forget. Though, looking back, I don’t think I will ever forget.

I wrote down,

My heart was on fire with the Holy Spirt, and I wanted to tell everyone about my ‘first Jesus dream’.

I honestly never intended for me to sing my song; my first thought was towards our Pastor and his wife, who sung beautifully at our church. I wanted my song to be sung by someone with a much better voice than my own, to give a life that I wasn’t worthy enough to give it. I took it to them and they helped me refine my thoughts and the tune of my song. His wife began to play the piano to my words and during the next couple of months we got our final cut of lyrics and composition.

My song is part of my testimony. When I sing it, every word comes from my heart of what I have gone through and to give praise to Jesus who brought me out of the most darkest of all places. I don’t want a shade cloud in Heaven anymore, I want to see that bright light again one day, and one day I will.

Whenever you get into a dark place in your life, remember satan has no power over Jesus. When you have Jesus in your heart, satan can’t win. He will try to knock you down, round after round after round, but the final K.O. is on him. Jesus will lift you up in victory always, and let that light in your heart shine so bright that fear will have no place.