I once told someone, being a Christian was hard.

It’s not hard to get saved. It’s not hard to believe in God. It’s not hard to follow God. It’s not hard to give into the Joy of the Lord.

The hard part, for me, is fighting Satan every day, sometimes every hour, every minute. My battles are so fast sometimes I can’t keep track.

But Satan is a coward. He uses every single thing we have to cause us misery. He’s smart, I’ll give him credit, he can turn me so inside out I can’t even see what God has made me. Satan takes everything I have from me sometimes. And tonight I thought he took something he could never take…

Just for a moment.

I found myself feeling so lost, feeling as though I had nothing. He had taken everything from me. I thought of so many things. Things that are hard to say, or hard to hear.

I could have went a lot of places but I tried to make good choices.  And that’s it.

We all have a choice.

Satan gets us far, we think we dont have a choice.

I get in my car, I turn my Jesus music off. Satan doesn’t want me to listen to that. I don’t go park my car at my church, and sit there and try to listen to God. Satan sure as hell doesn’t want that. Fortunately, a little logic kicks in. I don’t have a lot of gas money so I can’t go far.

The liquor store is closed. That irritated Satan for a moment. He said, and she doesn’t have any pills with her she wished she could take.

Let’s go to a dark place down the road.

I park and leave my car; I walk and find a bench to let my anger out. Let my tears out. Let my conversation with Satan fuel my broken heart and mind.

I have failed God more times than I can count. I feel like, the closer I get to God and trying to stay on his path, his will, the more I lose in this world.

I have no one.

I looked at the ground. Cursing Satan. I wasn’t angry with any person on earth really, I know it’s not entirely their fault. It is Satan who fuels on failed judgment.

Satan is a coward. And I told him. I spoke to him so clearly I felt as if my very soul was looking down in hell, baiting him to show. I begged him to show himself to me. I didn’t care what the consequences were. I always said I want something bad to happen to me too much but it won’t. Some say I might have a death wish. I’m not afraid of anything because I’m ready to go. I’m ready to leave this world anytime.

But I guess God isn’t done with me yet.

As I begged for Satan to show his face to me, through tears-stained eyes I saw a dark figure walking towards me. I let out a small half laugh. For a moment, I thought a curse word and was full on ready for anything, I was ready to fight Satan and give him everything I had.

As the dark man got closer, I saw it was a police officer. I thought to myself, maybe I could get myself in jail for the night. That’d look great to my church.

I wiped my eyes as he cautiously asked me a couple questions.

‘Are you alright?’

I paused, trying not to choke on my words.

‘Yeah,’ the biggest lie I tell almost every day. Though to my husband I always answer, Unfortunately I’ll always be ‘ok’.

‘Are you sure?’ He proceeds.

Im trying my hardest to not break down and just let it all out. I proceeded to tell him I was dealing with Satan. And I’m sure I sounded ‘mad’ for a moment. I sounded ‘mad’ to myself. Because who has spiritual warfare right?

He asked for my ID etc., and asked why I was in this place. I told him I was just trying to make good choices, I could have gone to the liquor store (even though it was way past closing). We both kinda laughed and he was like, well that’s good you didn’t. I have been 100% sober this year.

I tried to explain, and long story short, he was telling me he kinda dealt with the same thing. His dad was a preacher. He wanted to go off the rail and do his own thing, but he told me to keep praying. He told me to go home, and keep my mind on the victories.

I begged for Satan, and God sent me an Angel.

I thanked him, shook his hand, and headed back to my car. As I walked away, it seemed as the street lights were brighter, God’s light shining brighter on me.

I told God he’s too good to me. I don’t deserve his goodness. I don’t know why he is so good to me. But I’m thankful for his mercy.

Job 11:6 KJV ‘And that he would shew thee the secrets of wisdom, that they are double to that which is! Know therefore that God exacteth of thee less than thine iniquity deserveth.’

I came back home, trusting in his plan, even when I might not understand it fully.

We can’t ever win against Satan by ourselves. But with Jesus, Satan can’t win.