A missionary wrote: ‘I have absolutely zero regrets, but I also don’t think I talk enough about the loneliness of this life at times. There’s a passage in the Sermon on the Mount in the Gospel of Matthew where Jesus says, “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few” (7:13-14). The past two years of living as a missionary has given me a deeper understanding of the narrow gate, and what it means in the context of my own story.’

You usually see a picture of two roads, a road to hell and a road to Heaven. Usually there is a crowd going to to the road leading to hell and a single person going to Heaven.

Someone once told me, wide is the way that leads to destruction. In my mind, I find myself trying to be on the narrow road to peace, but also in that loneliness. I find sadness in peace. Still working this thought out, so bare with me.

I’m just really struggling right now, and I thought, maybe if I right it down it would help me, or maybe someone reading this feels the same way and they will know that they aren’t alone, like I feel.

I spent time slightly separated the other night from my peers, working in the sound area while listening to the choir and message. It was the greatest time with the Lord. I didn’t have to worry about anyone and my heart could listen to what God was putting out in front of me. I get joy from watching friends be in joyous spirit. I don’t have to be involved directly to feel the joy, but seeing it from a distance, perhaps seeing/feeling with my heart brings the most joy of all.

Peace and comfort in separation. Now, don’t mistake that for leaving someone, but simply stepping back to see God’s work in front of you. What he has given you. Carnally we are social beings, our longing for connection to be fulfilling with someone. But I appreciate the peace that solitude offers.

This can be a difficult balance to strike. I want to connect with people to create meaningful friend ships, but often when I try, it leads to negative outcomes or hurt. I’m caught between two opposing desires. So I have to remind myself, it’s important to remember that taking risks and trying are part of the journey and not every attempt will end in disappointment.

It is frustrating when every attempt seems to fail, seeming tough when it feels like you’re constantly hitting roadblocks. I have to remember, even if I have faced challenges and disappointments, they don’t define who I am. I used to always say I was cursed with a good heart that God gave me, but the last couple of years, I have tried to see that as more of a blessing.

Every bad experience I’ve had, I’ve been able to share that years later in a good light, and maybe things that are happening now I can do the same. Sometimes, hard times in life serve a purpose beyond what we can see right now. If I can share my experiences and learn from them, they can become a source of wisdom for others in the future maybe.

When I go into God’s nature, especially around water, it grounds me. When I’m just sitting focused on the water, there is just a certain freedom I feel. The water just washes away all the worries and lets me just be in the moment. It’s like nature’s way of reminding me to slow down, breathe, and appreciate the simple beauties in life.

It also reminds me that things will keep flowing, even when life gets chaotic. Sometimes, we just need to take a step back and take in the simplicity of it all. People can be complicated. I think of myself as a very simple person when it comes to a lot of things. I told a friend I’m like a dog, just give me some water and outside and I’m good for the day.

However people can be complicated. When my simplistic mind tries to understand people it can’t. Complications can be overwhelming and stressful. Simplicity is underrated. And Joy is simple.

I have come to love the word ‘Joy’ the last couple of months. Joy is indeed simple. It’s not about chasing after grand gestures or material possessions, it’s in the little moments, like the sound of birds chirping or the feeling of a gentle breeze on your skin. It’s about appreciating the present and finding happiness in the simple things that surround us. Finding Joy in the Lord when you hear the words of a gospel song, not just hearing with your ears but with your heart. That’s where true joy is found.

Joy brings peace to me on this narrow road. That sense of peace and relief, even if it’s just for a moment, is a precious thing. It’s a reminder that God’s love, forgiveness, and understanding always surround us.

I heard someone say, when you are focused on God and trying to work on your happiness and Joy, you won’t have time to worry about anything else. Let God take up your time and thoughts.

I pray daily for strength to be in God’s will, that he will put his hands on my thoughts and my actions, and give me strength to stay so close to him. I have never wanted anything more in my entire life than I do right now, and that’s the desire to stay as close to God as I can.

For those on the narrow road alone, I know we have God lighting our road for us, but it’s hard sometimes when we don’t have that physical voice to talk back to us telling us that we are headed in the right direction. When people physically tell you, ‘you’re not alone’, we tend to let it go out one ear and out the other because we are human. We make mistakes and we see others make mistakes.

Just keep trying to hang in there, and I will too. God will always be with us.