I heard a song today that really hit home for me. ‘It’s hard to say goodbye to yesterday’ by Boyz II Men. It was a favorite back in the old days, and honestly I think I haven’t heard this song since more than 10 years ago it seems. Most of my life has been filled with goodbyes it seems, whether it be people dying, friendships falling, moving schools, changing jobs, or just heartbreaking goodbyes. With God, goodbyes are a little easier, because we have Hope in Jesus. But, being human, they still hurt. For me, not having closure used to be a hard issue for myself inside. I would circle thoughts in my mind, what should have been said, what I would say now, how things could have been, how things should have happened different, but you can’t change the past, however the goodbye happens. I guess moving on has never been a strong suit of mine, and I think it’s because I care so much. I can’t help it. I used to think this cursed good heart of mine, was a punishment, because to me, (and not bragging on myself at all) from my eyes, I have always been the best at being the better man. Even my husband once told me, I was the best at doing so he’d ever seen, he couldn’t be nice to people or things as I have chose to be.

But this morning, I found myself crying, hearing and listening to this song. And as I listened, I smiled, thinking about one of the lines.

“I’ll take with me the memories, to be my sunshine after the rain.”

I thought of that cursed good heart, not a curse, but a gift from God. Because my heart holds something stronger than a curse, a gift. I am thankful that God gave me a gift, that can see the Hope and Good in things, because at the end of the day, the most horrible thing, can help someone see God better, they can see God through you. Through every headache in my life, from so many people shutting doors with absolutely heartbreaking actions or words, I can find a smile in the good memories, and show a light, through my smile, through the pain, that I can be a witness for others. Satan tries to get me down with worries or negative thoughts, but God’s gift of a good heart shines brighter than any shadow Satan could cast. I told someone once, I’m used to being let down, or I’m used to hurt. Not that it makes it any easier, because I’m only human, but with that, I’m used to it, but I can get through it because God has given me the strength to do so.

God gives me the wisdom. People say I’m smart, (I have diplomas on my wall for decoration), I’ve even be called wise before, but I don’t ever claim to be smart. I’m as simple as they come, and with that, I hope it makes it easier for God to guide me. Life is too complicated already, but God is simple. So I will follow him, and leave all my worries in yesterday.

It has been some time since a large chapter closed in my life, but another starts, and I am letting God write the words. I will watch for his guidence, cry tears of thankfulness, and lift my hands up in praise, for caring for someone like me. I am nothing special. But God called me, and spoke to me. I am so unworthy. But I will try my best Lord, because all that you have saved me from, and comforted me through, I am so thankful.

I am excited for where you lead me Lord, because your path is always so bright, and beyond words such as amazing. I pray everyone can open their heart, even at the risk of getting hurt, because that’s where I find you the fastest Lord. I told my husband, I would rather go through the deepest valleys where I can hear God’s voice, than to be on the mountain happy and not hear him at all.

Though goodbyes are hard, through Christ, they don’t mean forever, just for a little while.

Isaiah 1:19

‘If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land:’

Thank you Lord for helping me through the goodbyes.